Monday, October 2, 2017

To my precious boys.......

To my precious boys,
Today, October 2nd 2017 in the once beautiful United States of America you woke up to a beautiful sunny day filled with preschool, mamaw's house and cousin time. Followed by snack time and naps, laughter and playing. Meanwhile we've (the adults) have learned of a tragedy that has once again shaken us to the core. We awoke to hear of another shooting, more deaths, injuries and pain that should of never happened. We see hate everyday, all day. We can't even mourn the loss before we've all placed blame, pointed fingers and ridiculed what we don't know. 
Each day you wake up is a new day to learn and grow and find even more ways to be happy. We, as adults learn of a new tragedy, a new drug or a new way to offend people. I watch you play and use your imagination. You learn to share and care for your brother, your friends and even that kid on the playground you've never met. You don't see color, hate or pain. You only see in love. If I could bottle it up I would and we'd all drink it everyday. We'd all remember that beauty of childhood, the freedom of choices and the fearlessness of being yourself!!!
But sadly one day boys you will begin to see the bad. You'll start to slowly lose the innocence that once lay in your heart and made you, you. I never want to tell you the bad things that happen, the pain, the fear, the worry that comes as you grow. But momma is crazy scared tonight of the world in which you both will grow up in. Tonight I fear that you'll both grow up with a constant fear. You'll both be uneasy of your surroundings and not know what may happen as you step out everyday. 

Tonight I pray for God's protection on you, daily from the enemy. I pray Gods hand is on you every single step you take, everyday. I pray you always, always, always shine for Jesus. I pray he uses you both as a light for him and through him. I pray protection on your heart as you'll be ridiculed and persecuted for your beliefs. I pray you stay strong and courageous! I pray I equips you enough to know right from wrong, even when the world, the media, Hollywood tell you otherwise. I pray you stand firm in your beliefs and stand firm in the truth! I pray these things over you both because I have no idea what tomorrow holds. I know our world is crazy, people need Jesus and I need you both! I sometimes feel guilty for being such beautiful souls into a nasty, dirty world. But I'm reminded by you daily that your light can be the good this world needs to see. I pray you get to keep your sweet innocent childhood as long as possible. I'm sorry boys that this world is crazy but I know with you both in it, it's bound for greatness!!!! God bless you both and God bless the USA! 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

In Case of Emergency.....

The boys are at my moms, Charlie is mowing and I'm drinking my coffee internally writing my blogs. So I decided that I probably needed to write them down so I could stop editing in my mind...😜
I tend to do that a lot, write blogs or think of good blogs to write about but never actually write it down. So with the quite of this morning I'm putting my blog in my head to computer.
Last week we went to Boston for vacation. If you didn't already know Thomasland USA is located about an hour from Boston. This is why we chose that area. It was a different vacation for us because we're used to going to the beach and relaxing. In Boston there's not a whole lot of resting, just walking!! 
We enjoyed our trip and our time with my parents. The boys loved thomasland and we all enjoyed the views and history. Because Boston is so far away and my children are wild and crazy we chose to fly instead of drive....:)
This is the boys first time flying, they were so excited!!! We boarded the plane and got all settled in. We then had to listen to the airline instructions and what to do in case of an emergency. They went over the flotation devises and the oxygen mask and so on. Once they finished they can down the isle and came to each person who had children. They told us in case of emergency to put our oxygen mask on first then the boys. At first I was confused. Why? Why would I do that? My boys come first I want to save them first, right? The longer I thought about this (the whole week...which lead to a blog idea...which lead to internally editing...which finally lead here) I began to understand. In order to save my children I have to be ok, be able to breath first. If I put the mask on them first then what if I run out of oxygen and don't make it? What would they do? In order to fully help my children I have to be ok, be safe, be ready! So this lead me to think of my parenting skills, my relationship with Charlie, my relationship with God. In my life, in my relationships do I put my mask on first to be ready to take care of others or do I put everyone else's mask on first and hope there's enough oxygen for me to get mine on????
Deep??? Maybe! But it really has me thinking. I give everything I have to my boys, they are the loves of my life you know? But, should I? Is it ok to give the leftovers to Charlie? To God???? No, it's not! It may sound selfish to put your mask on first, but really the reasoning isn't just for you, but for others! I have to be prepared, be ready, be ok before I can help or lead anyone else!!! 
This is something I've really been bad at lately. My bible has sat on the table, my prayers are short and my time with Hod is limited. Then I wonder why I'm so short tempered, so annoyed or frustrated with Charlie or my boys! My oxygen is low, my spiritual health is failing! It's time for me to put my mask on first! Get in my bible, talk WITH God instead of AT God! Spend time with just Charlie, date my husband! Let our love for one another shine so our boys will know love and know what God can give!
The other day I asked Parker is he loved me, his response was yes of course. Then he said something I'll never forget. He said, "but mommy sometimes you daddy. That makes you not nice but still a good mommy". Oh my gosh! My heart broke! Yes, yes I yell at daddy, yes I do it front of the boys! Ouch! I forget so often that they are watching our every move, our every word, our every fight!! I then realized even more, I need my oxygen! Charlie and I get so caught up with our boys and work we forget about each other, which in turn causes stress and then mommy yelling at daddy.
Boston was a great trip, great vacation for us all. I however left with a little different perspective. It's ok to put myself first, take care of me so I can in return take care of my boys! My prayer is I can return to my bible, pray with God, listen to him. Date my husband, let him know his important. And in the end show my boys that because I love them sooooo much, I'll put my mask on first so I can take care of them forever! 

Friday, June 30, 2017

Here...hold my poppy

I've been meaning to write on here for a while now but I keep forgetting or getting interrupted. I'll sit and watch my boys and write out my blogs in my head and never write them down. My boys teach me so many crazy and new things each day. I never know weather to write a hilarious, crazy blog post or a sentimental "what God showed me today" blog post. Since it's been a while and I need to empty these stories from my brain i may do both today...well until one of my boys needs my undivided attention...😳😂.

As many of you know I'm an only child. I never had a brother or sister. Lots of cousins to play with but never a relationship like a sibling has. So I've never understood those relationships that people have with siblings. The fighting one minute and laughing the next or you can call them that but no one else can???? It's always been confusing to me until my boys.
I remember very clearly when Brody was a baby and I was up feeding and rocking him. I told him his birth story, our history, how I'd never be a mommy, how he was my miracle and special gift from God...etc. I would then tell him about Parker and how he's adopted and one day he's learn what that meant but the most important thing he needed to known was that no matter what, he was to protect his brother. I told him to "never let anyone say he's not his brother or my baby. Never let Parker feel different or any less loved. And if anything ever happened to me it's your job to protect him!" I told him this every night, every feeding. 
It amazes me just the kind of person Brody is. He truly is Parker's protector. It's kinda scary how much he protects Parker, kinda like he heard every word I said all those nights! As they've gotten older and their interactions are more and more their personalities are coming out too. Brody is of course the protector and Parker is the lover! Parker never wants Brody to be in trouble. Whatever he's doing wrong that I'm yelling at him about he'll hurry up and try to help him correct it or pick up what I'm needing him to pick up. Parker's the first to give up his toys or game so Brody can get his way. I love to hear them play together and laugh and then of course argue!!!!
A friend of mine and her two boys and me and the boys all went to Evansville to build a bear. My boys did the trolls dolls. Parker made branch and Brody made princess poppy. Afterwards we went to the play area to let the boys all play. There was one little boy there that was wild and mean and his mom wasnt watching him at all. In fact he'd ran out of the play area multiple times. There was a quick minute when it was just our boys in there and Parker and Brody wanted to play with their new trolls dolls. After a few minutes that little turkey of a boy and his mom came back. He's running wild and his momma is in her phone not paying any attention. Parker then decides to sit branch down on the floor to go through a tunnel thing. That little boy ran up a grabbed it. Parker turned around and said, " no, that's mine!" The little boy made a face at him and squeezed it tighter. So, trying to get the mom's attention I say, "Parker it's ok, he can see it for a second". This was not ok with Parker, me either but trying to keep the peace!! So Parker takes off crying in the floor. Little did I know Brodyman was watching this whole thing go down. From the corner of the play area Brody walks vastly over to crying Parker in the floor and calmly says "here Parker, hold my poppy". He tossed princess poppy by Parker and marched right over to that boy who was still holding Parker's Branch and also standing right next to his mom. Brody said "that not your, it's my brothers." The boy said "no". Brody said, "that not nice, it not yours". And he then began to wrestle Branch away from this little boy. Finally the mom looked up and scolded the boy and gave Branch back to Brody. Brody stared that little turkey down as he walked all the way back over to Parker and said, "here Parker". Picked up his princess poppy and ran off playing. I sat there in complete shock! It was hilarious and yet encouraging that Brody man was in fact gonna take care of his brother no matter what!!! I thought my heart would explode! It's been like that for a while now. Their relationship is amazing and hilarious all at the same time! 
I remember when I got pregnant with Brody thinking about their relationship. Would they be friends or hate each other? Would they love each other and protect each other? They are as different as night and day, they have different blood lines and their birth story is very different but the one thing that share is their love for each other and that is the greatest gift a mommy could ever ask of her children!!!!

 Parker was recently in the baby contest at the fair. He won in his age group. The first person to come running and give him a hug was in fact Brody!!! He had the biggest smile on his face and couldn't be any more proud of him than I was.
When Brody was potty training peeing was easy was the pooping that was rough. Parker encouraged and encouraged him everyday. When he finally went Parker screamed and hollered through the whole house. He was sooooo proud of him!
I LOVE the supportive relationship they have! I pray it continues as they grow and the love only grows!!!!!!!!

Now, on to the funny things!!! Seriously everyday is like a comedy show and sometimes I look around just to be sure there isn't a camera filming this craziness!!!! 
I have two boys and with boys I'm learning you get poop talk, butt shows and pee pee questions! Both boys are potty trained and completely different at going #2. Parker goes everyday, consistent and healthy. Brody on the other hand has a terrible time going, he's constipated a lot and will hold it in so he doesn't have to go which causes pain. It's a terrible time!!! So I've had to refer to suppositories and's that bad! The past few weeks have been better but both my boys know what a suppository is. The past few weeks I've heard them in the hall saying "hey, wanna play suppositories"? They get a medicine syringe and chase each other threading to give suppositories!!!!! I mean who's kid does that?!?! We have a room full of toys and games and books and my boys want to chase each other laughing and threatening suppository!!!
Both boys love to pee outside, like most do. But they don't just pull down the front of the shorts they pull their whole pants down to the ankles pee and then can't get them back up so they'll walk naked across the yard to me or Charlie to help them get them pulled up. I'm sure our neighborhood is getting tired of seeing my boys butts and pee pee's!!!
My life is crazy! I yell more than I wish I did and I go to bed tired and sad that I didn't do more with them and replaying things I wish I would done different that day. I hope every night that they are happy and that I'm a decent mommy. They make me so happy and so crazy at the same time. But mostly they make my heart satisfied and that's something That at one time I never thought would happen!!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

My baby is going to Preschool, and why im so emotional about it

So this week my sweet oldest baby started 3 year old preschool. This is a pretty big milestone for any mother, its an emotional time. For me, I'm a very emotional person anyway but this week has been really, really rough for me. As I was getting Parker ready this morning I was very calm and trying to take in each word he spoke and then it hit me. My baby going to preschool isn't what's making me so emotional, its the fact that if God hadn't placed him in our life, I have no idea where he would be today. And if I let my imagination get the best of me I COULD have an idea of where he would be.

We were and continue to be blessed that Andrea listen to her heart and that God led her to us. We prayed and prayed for a baby for so long and our answered prayer was in the form of adoption of a beautiful 6lb baby boy. I heard his first cry, cut his cord, fed him from my body. He is mine, my baby, my sweet angel that for the past 3 years ive played and taught and laughed with. There are many times that I have to stop and just thank God for that moment, that hes mine, because its then that my mind wonders to "if he wasn't here with me where/what would he be doing?" Its a thought Im sure most adoptive mommies have. It happens often and we really never say it out loud, its just a thought, because we cant go there. We live in the now, hes here with me to love and show love and that's what keeps us going everyday.

If you've ever met my Parker then your life has been forever changed. Hes pretty much the greatest thing since slice bread. His heart is as big as the sky. He has NEVER met a stranger. He loves and he loves BIG!!!! Everyone he has ever came in contact with never leaves he sight without a smile, a wonderful "Ive just been blessed smile!" His love for everyone is huge, he cares so much about everything. He radiates love and joy, it honestly feels like it just leaks from every part of his body. It qualities I hope he never loses and just gets greater as he grows.

With all that said, its God's amazing grace that that little sweet boy is MINE. He was given to me and Charlie and we have not one day taken that for granted. So sending my little miracle to preschool has been hard because he's growing up on me. But, its also because I know what an amazing piece of God's grace we've been given and I want to cherish it forever. I know there are many places he could of been right now, but i'm grateful that he's right where he's supposed to be!!

Friday, May 20, 2016


It seems that life with two boys is a pretty busy one. It's been quite a few months since I've blogged.
Parker is three years old. He's a very energetic, crazy, funny little boy. We're currently in our first season of u4 soccer. He kinda likes it. He'd rather socialize with the girls than kick the ball. His daddy is concerned he isn't going to be athletic....I think it's hilarious! He's three!!!! He's enjoying himself and that's what matters!!! He's going to start preschool in September, which breaks my heart to pieces. But he's going to go two years before kindergarten so I know he'll love it and do well.....his daddy is a preschool dropout so hopefully Parker will do better!!! He's a great big brother to Brody. He loves him so much. Their bond is beautiful and I enjoy watching them play and laugh!

Brody man will be two in just a few short weeks. I have no idea how the time flies by as quickly as it does. He's going to have a tractor themed party. He's starting to learn how to ride and drive Parker's tractor, so he may be getting one for his birthday. He's starting to get such a fun personality. I think he's going to be more like me...😉. The boy eats from the time he's awake to the time he goes to bed (also like his momma). He adores Parker and loves playing with him. He learns so much from him and wants to be just as big as him. Brody is my lovey baby, he's always loving and hugging and kissing. He's so sweet, it melts my heart. He's my sweet blessing.

Charlie and I are enjoying parenthood. It's the hardest job that tests our patience and feels our heart with so much joy!

This blog was made for those who want to read about our journey to parenthood. It's here to help encourage others as they long for their dreams of having a baby to come true. I hope when those who still read this get that encouragement. We've had a long, painful journey that led us to adoption the experiencing our own pregnancy and birth. Both boys are the greatest blessing and answered prayer from our wonderful God who, even though we're undeserving, continues to bless us!
With that said, we ask that you continue to pray for Parker's birth mom, Andrea. She has a pretty big decision to make in the coming months. We love her very much and her life and her issues will always be apart of us. We want her to be happy and know how loved she is. We will always be so thankful for all she's done for us in our sweet Parker. The joy he's brought is beyond explanation. Adoption is the greatest, most humbling experience. Please continue to pray for her to look to the lord in all she does! 

Here are a few pics of our crazy life with our biggest blessings and greatest joys!!!!
Always remember in all circumstances to PUSH!!!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Blessed mother of two!!

It gets harder and harder to write this blog! Being a mommy of  two precious boys means I barely have time to brush my teeth let alone sit down and type. But after 2 months I think I've got it down.....I think!

On June 18th at 11:45pm Brody Ryan came into this wold. He weighed  7lbs 11oz and was 20 1/2 in long. It was the longest, hardest day of my life!! I was induced at 10:00 pm on June 17th, by 6:00 the pitocine had started. The contractions were every two minutes but I still haven't dilated passed 1cm. So I got my epidural at 9:00 and Dr. Ott broke my water about 15 minutes after. The epidural was a breeze however it caused my blood pressure and heart rate to drop which made me super sick. I threw up the entire time I was in labor. I finally reached 10cm at about 9:30 that night, I pushed for two hours. I was completely and totally exhausted. Brody was not wanting to come out, I cried because I was afraid I was too tired to even hold him when he did come out. At about 11:00 pm and 25 hours of labor made the call to do a c section. At this point I just wanted him out and to stop throwing up. I puked as they were prepping me for the or, I puked going down the hall, I puked on the flat table while I was being cut open!!! It was awful, but I remember the moment I heard Brody's cry I instantly felt better, actually I felt great! My energy level sky rocketed, I just wanted to see his face. Charlie stood up and looked over the curtain and said " he looks just like you" I was so excited! We both cried tears of joy.  Charlie went to see him while I rested, he brought him over to me a few minutes later. The same joy and pride I felt with Parker I felt instantly when I saw Brody. He was sleeping and I said "hi Brody" instantly those eyes opened and looked right at me. There are no words to describe that feeling. Pure joy!!!! I told him I had waited a long time to see him, he just looked at me like, "me too mom, me too"

Being a mommy to two beautiful boys is both tiring and amazing. I'm exhausted when I hit the bed at night but it's the best exhaustion ever! I love caring for both of them, I love watching them grow and learn. I love watching Parker slowly buy surely start to love on his brother. One day they will be the best of friends. One day I can tell them both their birth stories and how each were different they were both the best days of my life!!!

As shocked as I was to be pregnant I know it was Gods plan for us to adopt Parker first, he needed us and we needed him. He made me a more patient mom, a better mom, a more loving mom and a more faithful Christian. Gods plans are far greater than I can ever imagine. I'm honored God choose me to be these boys mommy. It's an honor to be able to tell them just how great our God is!!!