Friday, March 16, 2012

What doesn't kill u makes u stronger!!

I know it's been a while since I've posted. People have been asking if I'll keep this up. And yes I am and will keep up with this blog. These past few weeks have been much better. I've learned that the healing process takes more time than I've allowed and that I have to stop and mourn before I can go on. Our lives will never be the same, our world will never go back to the way it was before 2012. However the changes in our lives are for the better. I've never loved my husband more than I do today. I'll love him even more tomorrow. What we have together no one else will ever know nor will they understand. Our love is binded together by our loss. I see love in a whole different light when i hold our friends precious bundles of joy i realize just what exactly comes out of all this pain. I love babies so much more now than I ever had. I see just exactly what a true miracle looks like. Life as we have known it won't be the same, the experience we had has forever changed our hearts!

We went to our follow up appt with dr. Gentry and he told us to keep our heads up. He thinks that it didn't work because it didn't work. But we got pregnant and that's the farthest we've ever gone and were taking the right steps now. He wants to do the frozen embryo transfer anytime after April and he wants to use just me since I was able to get pregnant. He did say that our chance of conceiving on our own did increase because we got pregnant so he encourages us to try on our own and use the heparin and baby aspirin. We were very pleased to hear this and to know that it's not an impossible task for us to get pregnant. But it does happen on God's time and not ours.
Since this talk we have discussed different options and we were pleased with how well they are working with us. We ask that you please pray for our next steps because they could be life changing and with God our miracle can finally happen.

About four weeks after our miscarriage the most wonderful, crazy and loving women went home to be with the Lord. I watched my sweet Mamaw Alberta suffer and then pass away. The women who taught me to peel potatoes at age 4, who danced and sang Johnny Cash in the kitchen, who took me to more places in my 6 years of life than I've been to all my life together, left this world. I remember thinking she would never die. As I sat and held her hand so confused as to why God was allowing this to happen to us, all I can think of was when she got to heaven I wanted her to hold my babies. And I take comfort in knowing that she is there with them and will keep them until we get there to hold them ourselves. We planted the flowers we got from the funeral in the back yard in memory of her and our babies. Everyday I can look out the back window and be reminded of God's promises!!

2012 hasn't really turned out they way we planned. But it has turned out the way that God wanted it to. We pray daily that this baby will one day be in our arms and I know my heavenly father hears those prayers and we shall someday soon be parents.