Oh the what ifs........

This weekend was a little crazy and emotional. I got to spend some much needed time with my sweet family and friends. But sometimes even when I'm having a great time, something always happens that brings me back to reality. It just a few short months we will begin our great journey into this surrogacy and I'm so super excited and nervous. However the what ifs still play with my mind and sometimes lead me back into my little hole of crazy!
If all would have went well last February my two sweet little embryos would be getting ready to come into this earth. Our due date was November 11 2011, I remember thinking how crazy that will be to have our babies born on that date. I wrote this day down on every journal entry and every note I could find. I couldn't wait till 11/11/11. This was going to be the best day of my life. But instead of preparing myself for mother hood I am now dreading this day for I know the emotions it will bring. Instead of bringing home my precious bundle of joy I will be getting ready for another friends baby shower while my sweet little husband will be jumping for joy because this is "The Rut" and his little butt will be in the woods (which he is soooo excited about.) Not exactly how I planned on spending this time. But as Charlie says, we have to go on with our life and remember, Life goes on! November 11th will come and November 11th will go. And pretty soon January will be here and we can begin this journey. This isn't what I had planned on, this isn't how I picture becoming a mommy, but God is in control and I put my faith in Him. Please don't think I'm bitter or mad, just sometimes I have to open up and let out my frustrations out so I can begin to heal. My heart is almost finished with the healing process, only sometimes does little things such a dates reopen the wound. I ask for prayers for these next few weeks as this wound will start to heal and make room for many many happier things!! We have lots to be thankful for and lots of friends and family who have helped us through this time!!!
I wanted to also say a BIG thank you to all of you of have bought PUSH bracelets. I have about 30 more if you are interested! This has helped us out so much! And it brightens my day when I see people wearing these! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!