Ok...here we go.......

Today was the first doctors appointment of this process. We went today to get blood work and and ultrasound. Everything looks amazing, my body is ready for this process and I just got the call that my blood work was perfect, which means that my body is responding to the medicine like it should! Praise Jesus! Looks like we are on our way now....wow!!! I'll start taking the medicines to produce the eggs on Monday. My medicines are being ordered right now, I'm just waiting for a call from the pharmacy saying they are being sent! This is when I get overwhelmed...when these meds get here I tend to panic because you lay out all these vials and needle and pills and you think ALLLLL this is going in me. But ALLLL that will help produce a baby!!!! See...it gets overwhelming!!!

This is it, the time that we have waited and prayed for, our miracle is taking place and I couldn't be more excited! I'm so happy that this is all coming together and cannot wait to see what will happen next! Please continue to pray for us as we go into this phase of the journey! God is so good and His blessings are amazing!

We were introduced this week to a fund raiser, its online and it was design to help out groups or people who need financial help with certain things like, adoption or fertility. It is called Just love coffee, It's an awesome thing and we have just signed up.
You go to our link

 https://justlovecoffee.com/PUSH

and order coffee. Half of the proceeds go to Charlie and I to help with expenses. It is such a great thing because these people also helps missions and they know how hard it is for people who are have fertility problems. We were blessed to be introduced to this website! People are always looking out for us and trying to give us different ideas to help out. We are so thankful for these people!
So if you are in need of some coffee, go to this website and buy some, for the missions and for us!!!!

Oh how He loves us

A few years ago I was driving to work and listening to KLOVE and a lady was on talking about how she and her husband had just gotten married and she found out she was pregnant. She was so upset because they wanted to wait to have children but she was listening to KLOVE and heard The David Crowder Band song "How He loves" and she knew all would be ok. She said that her baby was brought into this world while that song was playing, she cried and cried at how much God loved her so much he gave her such a wonderful gift. I was crying right along with her and decided right then and there that when my baby was brought in this world he/she would be born with that song playing. It kinda became our theme song for IVF last year, we listen to that song before going into the retrieval and before going to do the transfer. After it didn't work I kind a put that song in the back of my head. When it came on the radio I turned it, when it played on my IPOD I skipped it. It brought back too many bad memories. It wasn't until last week when I was looking through pinterest and found this picture....

Its the lyrics to the song "How He loves" when I saw this I instantly started crying. God put this in my path. I posted it to my facebook page and went to moms page to tell her about it and noticed that 2 hours earlier she had posted the exact same thing....God wink!!! I immediately knew that I could listen to that song again. And I did and once again God began to work in my heart, I began to get excited about this process and know that at the end when the doctor puts that baby on my chest and in the background I hear,
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way He loves

I get goosebumps at just how amazing that will be, all of this will be worth it and we will know that no matter what, He loves us...He really really loves us!!!!!! I cant wait to start this journey again and have this as our them song once more. God is so good and He has great things in store for us!!

On another note: I started my meds last Saturday and these past few days have been very difficult! My hormones are CRAZY! Im CRAZY! I tend to cry and scream and then cry again because I feel bad for screaming and then I start all over again!!! Its been a looonnnggg few days over here, so I will now ask for ALL prayers to go to Charlie! Bless his heart he has been a trooper but everything he says and does (because of the meds and no other reason) is wrong. I yell at him a lot, but he takes it and he helps me out and calms me down. These next few weeks are gonna be crazy and emotional and he seems to be ready! Please pray for him to continue to have patience and for my hormones to take a break. You may want to throw in a prayer for my dad because mom starts this same meds tomorrow......

We really do appreciate all the prayers and kind words that everyone has given us! We are really blessed to have such amazing people in out lives. This journey is underway and in just a few short weeks we will be implanting little "babies" we are so excited that God has placed this journey in front of us and that He has chosen us to fulfill His will!!!!

Time of Praise

I wanted to start this time in our life the right way, with thanks and praise......

Tomorrow I start the first of MANY medications. Mom doesn't start hers until the 28th. We have appreciated all the prayers and uplifting words, and right now is when we are asking for them the most! This is it, the time we have prayed and worried and wondered about. The time is now, we are starting the most incredible journey and there is no turning back. God has opened this door and we are ALL walking through it. Please continue to remember our whole family in this journey, even though they are not physically going through this they are mentally going through this with us. When we hurt, they hurt, when we cry, they cry. I pray that God gives them the words to use to help us through this journey.

I have said it before and I will say it again no matter the outcome of this process, we will give God the glory and be happy for whatever He gives us. So today I want to stop and share praise and thanksgiving that is only found in His word......Thank you Lord for this journey, for it is in you that I find my strength!

Psalm 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name

I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. —Psalm 9:1

The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!”—Psalm 50:23

Willingly I will sacrifice to Thee; I will give thanks to Thy name, O Lord, for it is good.---Psalm 54:6
It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to your name, O Most High; —Psalm 92:1

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.---Psalm 95:2

Sing to the LORD, bless His name; Proclaim good tidings of His salvation from day to day.---Psalm 96:2
Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous,
and give thanks to his holy name!—Psalm 97:12

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works! —Psalm 105:1-2

Willingly I will sacrifice to Thee; I will give thanks to Thy name, O Lord, for it is good. ---Psalms 116:10
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.—Philippians 4:6

In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God ...1 Thessalonians 5:18


Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.—Psalm 43:4

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works! —Psalm 105:1-2

Dear Lord,
We come to you tonight asking your blessing and your comfort over these next weeks. Please be with mom and I as we take this next step. Please continue to give us peace that only comes from you. We ask that you walk with us through each step, hold our hands and guide our hearts as we do your will. We want you to have ALL the glory and honor from this and we pray you use every last drop of us in your name! Thank you Jesus for all we have and all you have done for us. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to share your word and your name to others. We praise your name in all things! We ask all of this in Jesus wonderful name.
AMEN

God Winks......

My mom has a book called "God Winks". Its a book about the little things that happen in life that when you look back you know it had to be God. Its the little things in life that give you goose bumps, or otherwise known as "God Bumps". Today was one of those days that God winked on mom and I.
Yesterday Charlie had his appt to give his blood work and finalize all our papers. He is now completely finished with his part. We now focus on mom and I. So today we went to meet with Dr. Gentry's nurse Bea, to go over our medicines, our schedule and any questions we had. We were both a little nervous about what to expect. For me I knew we would leave there overwhelmed because its a lot to take in at one time. When we arrived we went back to a room and Bea went over mom's schedule first, the medicine she would be taking and when and how long. Then it was on to me, we went over my meds and why I needed them and what they did. She was so informative and helpful. We first noticed that Dr. Gentry is giving me so many more meds to help the pregnancy stay than our other doctor did. It seems to me that Dr.Gentry has it a little more together than our other doctor, and after today that was confirmed. Dr. Gentry has me on lots of meds to help with the antibodies. There is a very good chance that if we put eggs in me they will take. It very well may be that mom and I could be pregnant together!

After an amazing and very informative meeting, I gave Bea our Christmas card, which has this blog address on it. I wanted her to be able to read this and keep up with how we view things. She was so glad to see it and even said "Yes,pray until something happens, it 's what we have to do." She then got up and went to her office and brought me a copy of a bible study called Still Waiting by Elizabeth Robertson. She was a patient of Dr. Gentry's and wrote this bible study for women who are struggling with fertility. She gave me her personal copy so I can have it over the holidays to keep my mind occupied on God and how great He is!! GOD WINKED!!!!! He knew exactly what I needed when I needed it! For the next 30 minutes we just sat and talked about how great our God is and how He will see us through this! You have no idea how great it is to be going to a fertility clinic who knows the REAL creator, and I can share my beliefs with them and know that I have Godly women who work there!

The best part of this day was when Bea said " We have a high success rate because we give God the glory for every baby created here" PRAISE JESUS!!!!! What an amazing and humble thing to say, giving God the glory and not taking any of it for themselves!

God showed up at our meeting today, He sat right there beside us and gave Bea the right words to say to us. From this moment on God is in control, He is taking over the experience and no matter the outcome. One baby, four babies or no babies I am in this for the glory of the Lord. He will receive every credit for whatever happens. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted, this will be all worth it! We have said before that it is hard to pay so much for not knowing the outcome. But I believe that if we start believing in miracles God will start handing them out!!!!

To God be the Glory........

Angels amoung us....

Wow what a crazy few weeks! We have been getting ready, not only for the holidays but for January. It is coming at up pretty fast, both the Holidays and January. We are very thankful for all of the prayers and support we have been getting these past few weeks.
This week has been very emotional and crazy! I heard from the doctor Tuesday and I start my medications on December 12th. We meet with them on December 7th to get all our papers and medicines in order. When I hung up the phone I immediately went into panic mode, its happening, its really happening! I came home to my wonderful husband who just held me as I cried about all the what if's. We sat down and got all our stuff together and noticed that I had over looked some "extra expenses" that we will need. I  automatically started to panic again. This is all so overwhelming, its all so crazy! Here we are a year later getting ready to go through the same process we did and I remember the outcome. Sometimes its so scary that I don't know how we can ever get through it! But its here and as Charlie's dad says " you cant back out now" and we cant, we've prayed and prayed and prayed and God has placed us in the position and we cant back out now. We are here for a reason and we are going through this for a reason. Sometimes its just easier to talk about what we are going to do than actually do it. Please pray for peace and we enter into this journey. I do hate to be on my "crazy hormonal meds" during the holidays but God will see us through!!!!
On an amazing side note.....We were completely blessed a few weeks ago. My sweet sister in law got together with the amazing Katie D.,who sales Scentsy. And together they sold Scentsy for Charlie and I. Thank you so much to all who ordered something. And thank you to Katie who gave up her commission for Charlie and I. All of the money went into our baby fund. This will help with some of the cost,and every penny counts! We are so blessed with amazing people who are willing to help us out! There's not enough "THANK YOU'S" to go around! I pray that God blesses each of you ten fold for what you did for us!!! I thank the Lord for the "angels" He sends to each of us!!!!
Another sweet angel came into our lives, I've been introduced to a lady who has done IVF with a surrogate. She lives in Evansville and used Dr.Gentry. Ive been emailing her and she has been such a great help. I really enjoy picking her brain, its so nice to have someone who has been through this before. I'm very thankful for her and all of her help.
Mom is working on another blog so the next one should be from her.....Hope everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving! Always be thankful for everything you have, count your many blessings!!!!

Making our baby

Today is 11-11-11 which means that if everything would have worked, today would have been our due date. For some this isn't a big deal but for me it means the world. So today for my blog I wanted to share our journey last February through IVF.

January 20th, medications were started and samples were given. We really had no idea what to expect as we began this journey. I remember on this day I started my journal. I began to write down everything that we were feeling and our fears and expectations. I remember when all my medication came in the mail. I got them all out and cried just from being so overwhelmed. The first night that we started the shots Charlie took a picture of me mixing all the meds. It was so crazy to know that the next few weeks this would be our life. I would take 2 shots in the morning and 4 shots at night.

We would go to the dr every 3-4 days for the ultrasound to monitor the eggs. I produced 16 eggs, 6 one one side and 10 on the other. After the first week of meds my belly began to grow. I looked about 5 months pregnant. I had to give the shots in my belly and I bruised so bad. After the third week I was about to lose it. I would cry from fear, and pain, and hormones. Charlie would just hold me and tell me it was all worth it. Im not sure where I would be without him.

Finally after about 4 weeks of shots and ultrasounds the dr said it was time to take out the eggs. We had to go to Indy to do this, Charlie and I didn't want to go by ourselves so we took both our moms. We are both very close with our parents and we knew we needed all the support we could. We are truly blessed to have the family that we do. Im not sure we would have made it out of this situation without them. We left on a Saturday afternoon and headed to Indy. Once there we went out to eat and tried to relax. I remember being so nervous but so glad that our family was there to make us laugh.

That night mom slept with me, I remember she rubbed my arm util I feel asleep, just like when I was little. When I woke up the next day she and a card for me from her and dad. She knew everything I would need that day. We got ready and when we stepped outside there was about 3 inches of snow. Since we had to be at the hospital at 6 (5 their time) we had to drive so slow, I didn't think we would ever get there. On the way we listen to "How He Loves Us" by the David Crowder band. We cried the whole way. Once there I got all hooked up and was taken back to get those precious eggs taken out.

When I woke up Charlie was there to tell me that instead of 16 eggs I really had 19. Three of them had hidden in the ultrasound. I remember thinking how crazy it is that I had that many eggs. We were both so excited that we had so many eggs!!! The next day I got the call from the lab that said only 8 of the eggs fertilized, and we had to go back in 5 days to put two back in. We were thrilled that we had 8 eggs to work with!!!
 5 loooonnngggg days later we were back on the road to Indy. This time we left on a Friday night, we went through a horrible rain storm that turned into a even worse snow storm and then the last few miles became a ice storm. We were so glad to finally be there. The next morning we made our way back to the hospital, once again listening to The David Crowder Band "How He Loves" Once there Charlie got to go back with me. They gave us a picture of the two eggs that they were implanting. I cried and cried because they looked so precious to me. We went back and got to watch via ultrasound the eggs being implanted. It was the greatest feeling, watching those sweet little eggs trying to make us a family!!
I was on bed rest for 48 hours and on restrictions until the pregnancy test which was 8 days later.
The day after we got home we received a phone call from the lab that informed us that the remaining eggs did not freeze. Which meant that if these two eggs didn't take then we would be done. I cried and cried, we tried to have faith that the two inside me would take but it was so hard knowing we didn't have a safety net.

The night before the blood test, Charlie and I went through my journal and pictures and all the cards and letters from friends and families. We cried at how close we were to being parents yet the next day held our fate. I don't think either one of us slept that night at all. The next morning I made the drive to Evansville to get the test, they said it would take 2 hours. So I drove back to Charlie's work and picked him up. We sat in the car and waited for the call. After hours of waiting the phone finally rang. We could tell by the sound of her voice what the results were, but hearing the word "negative" was enough to make my heart stop. When I hung up the phone I just stared at Charlie, all he could do was say he was sorry. My sweet Charlie likes to keep his feelings to himself, which is not healthy. But at this point he lost it. There is nothing worse than watching the strongest man in the world break. I watched my husband break into a million pieces. Charlie loves me and would give me anything he could, this is the one thing he cant me and it kills him.
We went home and he just held me until we were both numb. I dont know if I could ever feel more pain than I felt that day. But we both knew that tomorrow would come and life would go on. So we got up and started putting the pieces together. We took a break from baby talk for a while until we were ready.

I wanted to share this experience with you because this is what made Charlie and I know that God is in control. We can do and try and beg and plead to get out way, but God has a bigger and better plan. Ive had a few people ask me how I can still love God through all of this. Not one time have Charlie or myself questioned God's love for us or our love for God. I have said time and time again that I would rather be in God's will and not get my way, then get my way and not be in God's will. I thank God daily for the this experience, we would not be the people we are today if it weren't for this. I love Charlie more today than I have ever loved him.

Oh the places you'll go!

Oh the places we've been should be more like it! Mom and I have been to many doctors appointments and clinics and have been able to tell our story to so many people! This "situation" that we are in has turned into a "opportunity" to tell others not only our story, but tell others about Jesus.

There are so many stories that we can tell about how God has placed the right people at the right time to hear what He is doing for us. The funny thing is they happen in the most amazing places. Mom got to tell her story to the lady who cleans her teeth. She was actually the first person she told, and the lady was so encouraging. Ive been able to tell my story at work when patients ask me about my PUSH bracelet. This is usually how the conversation gets started. My favorite thing about PUSH is its not just a saying for Charlie and I but can be used in ANY situation. Many people are praying for us but they are also PUSHing for situations in their own lives.

I feel that God is using us in so many ways as we go through this journey. He has blessed me so much through this blog. We do have lots of people who read this and pray for us. So I wanted to take this time tonight that when you read this you don't pray for Charlie and I but instead you pray for another couple that God has placed on our hearts, Matt and Emily.
Today mom had to go get a mammogram. While there she meet the sweet lady who did the exam. This is one of the last tests mom has to do before we get the 100% ok to go through with the surrogacy. So she asked the lady to make sure she doesn't miss anything because this was the last test she had to pass. The lady asked mom what these test are for and mom got to tell her our story. She also explained to her our PUSH bracelets. The lady teared up and told her about her son and daughter in law. The had a sweet little boy that 18 months ago passed away. Through tears she told mom what had happen and how hard it had been on their family. As they both sat crying, mom took off her bracelet and gave it to her. The lady just cried harder and told mom that she had no idea how much she needed that. She said she was going to visit them this weekend because this past Sunday would have been his third birthday, and she was going to give the bracelet to them. God placed my mom in the exact place at the exact time for this lady. Somewhere in Paducah, KY there is a lady wearing our PUSH bracelet (and maybe reading this right now) who is PUSHing for her kids who are hurting. So tonight please pray for this sweet family. Lift up Matt and Emily (and Matt's mom) in your prayers for peace and comfort, and as they choose to start an family again!

As hard as this experience is for Charlie and I, I feel that it is all worth it if our story helps at least one person. Its all worth it if our PUSH bracelet helps heal hearts. This is all worth it if GOD is being glorified and honored through it all.  This is all worth it if in the end we see just how great God is!!